What Ed really hates
by Hila
Summary: Did YOU ever have metal limbs during winter? And an annoying Colonel? slight RoyxEd [Reposted from my LJ so I forgot the disclaimers: these characters belong to the original author, they're NOT mine]


Edward Elric did not like winter.

It was nothing personal – he liked playing in the snow as much as the next person – but for someone with artificial limbs and a metal-plated brother, winter was bound to be an uncomfortable season.

Roy Mustang, on the other hand, liked his winters better the colder they got. It was understandable that, as long as his main tool was fire, snow and ice were by far preferable to rain.

Alphonse Elric, on the third hand, could not care less.

Except when things stuck to him…which, fortunately, didn't happen very often.

The rather cold winter of 1915 therefore, made for a content Roy, an annoyed Edward and an amused Alphonse. Amused because, despite the painful memories that they sometimes brought back, his brother's artificial limbs more often than not made for absolutely hilarious situations.

Especially when he was half asleep and trying to dress in the mornings.

What marked this morning as different though was that, for once, Edward was not lyrically cursing Winry and Pinako Rockbell for not having invented self-heating automail yet. Instead he was lyrically cursing Colonel (bastard) Roy (fucking) Mustang for taking him away from his precious research time. And to take him to that stupid, stupid, **stupid** inauguration, no less.

Inauguration indeed, thought Roy Mustang smugly. The first permanent ice-skating rink of East City. Of course, the event was not important enough to require the Colonel's presence, but being seen at these public functions did an awful lot of good to his reputation. It didn't hurt that Roy had always enjoyed ice-skating.

Having Fullmetal with him was just the icing on the cake. It served the double purpose of increasing the Colonel's popularity even further (seeing as, by now, it was almost common knowledge that the Fullmetal Alchemist – dog of the army and yet still friend of the people – was the short kid with the red coat rather than the huge suit of armor) and providing Roy with free entertainment for the day.

And what an entertaining day this was bound to be! After all, Roy knew (and was almost sure that Edward knew that he knew) that Edward did not, in fact, know how to ice-skate.

Edward Elric was about to kill someone.

No, he didn't know how to ice-skate; no, he wasn't all that interested in learning and no, he definitely would **not** let Mustang teach him!

Having showed up (in time) for the ceremony, Ed didn't feel any further obligation to exhibit himself and give the brave people of East City a free show by repeatedly falling on his ass.

Mustang's half serious attempts to make him do it were **not** helping.

What Edward didn't know was that Roy was completely serious. And, unknowingly, this was his undoing. Because not taking Colonel Roy Mustang seriously, or at least forgetting that he **always** had something (else) on his mind, was a grave mistake.

And Edward knew that.

So he either forgot it or was too spazzy at the moment to care.

Which was unfortunate because when Roy dared him to (while threatening to make public his real height if he refused), Edward had not seen it coming and, out maneuvered, had to agree to try.

Roy then proceeded to enjoy the following twenty minutes which found Edward in all kinds of very interesting positions, none of which kept Edward simultaneously upright and moving in a chosen direction.

Just as Edward was about to transmute his blades into a much more reasonable shape, Mustang had the gall to offer him his hand.

Edward tried to show his lack of appreciation for that particular move by ignoring the basic laws of physics (those that say that sudden movement is a Bad Idea) and punching the Bastard's nose in. The world, of course, did not like its laws being violated and in retaliation tipped the alchemist right into the Colonel's arms.

Issued a fight in which Edward vented and Roy grinned, the end result being that Roy had managed to make Edward agree to be taught how to ice-skate...by Roy mustang himself.

The lesson lasted exactly one hour. By the end, not only could Edward hold his balance but he could also skate forward and backwards. It was time, then, for Roy Mustang to lay down his master card:

"How will you be paying for your lesson, Edward-kun, in cash or in kind?"


End file.
